Category Archives: holiday

Another anniversary….

December marks the month when four years ago L and I were told, “This is it. Might be months or weeks or days, but not a year.”

As always L accepted this news with his usual calm and set about focusing on what was important for him–friends, family, and me. That Christmas I remember he found ‘elves’ to do the shopping he could not manage. He sent them on shopping missions–his sister to get roses for me specifically NOT red. (Instead they were a unique brilliant orange and they lasted for weeks.) And he added a beautiful Waterford crystal rose–a forever rose.

Another friend was tasked with going to a bath store and finding bath salts and lotions and–a candle. Why was the candle so special? Because he knew how I loved fires in the fireplace and candles throughout the house at this time of year. The problem was they affected his breathing and not in a good way, so for several years I had filled the house with those artificial battery candles.

For the past several years we had been in Florida for the holidays so being back in Wisconsin added to the understanding that this year was different and the realization that this year we would not be going to Florida at all. We attended Christmas Eve services and had our Christmas Eve ‘dinner’ at Cheesecake Factory–the only place we had found open. Afterwards we took the long way home driving through neighborhoods and enjoying the lights. L sang carols… little Jewish boy singing carols and knowing the words.

In the months that followed we settled into a routine–one I never would have thought I would come to savor. Friends came to visit; as he insisted, I spent my days at my studio and brought home the news and funny happenings out in the world; we sat for a long time over dinner just talking; we became avid fans of a number of TV series–L loved The Closer and those early seasons of Downton Abby and The Good Wife. His favorite though was Jon Stewart and The Daily Show and sometimes he even made it through The Colbert Report. Oh, how he would laugh! I have to wonder what he would think of the political situation today!

And so in this season when memories are gifts of their own (or in some cases ‘bags of coal’), these are some of my favorites. We had been told what was coming–but don’t we all know that’s the way our story ends?  The message is to be aware of the finiteness of this life and to live it fully with gratitude and gusto. L and I were blessed because we had time for savoring–for saying goodbye. Not everyone is so fortunate, so whatever your celebration, may it be merry and happy and filled with moments that are truly gifts to cherish.

 

 

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A STORY YOU MAY WANT TO READ…

I just finished a novel by a Swedish author, Frederik Backman. The book is A MAN CALLED OVE [I think it rhymes with ‘love’], and it may be one of the best things I’ve ever read–fiction or non–on the subject of grief. You will laugh and you will cry…and you may find healing in Ove’s story. I know I did. As we head into a time of year that can be especially difficult for us, this is a literary journey that may help you find hope and comfort.

The Gift of Giving

It’s the day after Christmas and for several days now I have been reflecting on what the holiday/season means to me. The adage that it is better to give than to receive rings true. I find my greatest joys at this time of year come when I have put myself out there for others. It comes when I make a donation of food, clothing, toys or money so that those less blessed than I am might have a little better time of it. It’s there as I prepare a party or meal for others. It’s there when I choose gifts for family and friends, prepare tips for those who provide services that make my life easier, come up with the idea to drop off a little something for a special neighbor.  It’s there when I remember my parents and the example they set for us about giving back, and it’s there when I think of L and all that he gave to me and to others throughout his too-short life. In giving I honor him and the memory of all the times we worked together to make someone’s day a bit brighter.

The trick of course is to maintain that spirit throughout all the days of the year. The truth is that I do pay it forward often throughout the year…the difference is that without the special trappings of Christmas…I may not pause to take the special joy that comes with the giving. But when the recipient of my gifts thanks me I never fail to think, “No. I thank you for your smile of appreciation, your eyebrows raised in surprise and delight, and the look in your eyes that tells me I just made your life a little better if only for a moment.” That’s a gift I can carry with me through hard and sad times. That’s a gift that brings me closer to L. That’s the gift that I can unwrap and marvel over again and again.