Yesterday was a tough day. I’ve been fighting bronchitis for weeks now and yesterday I had all these additional symptoms–stomach cramps, sleeping, fierce headache and of course the coughing jags. I was on a deadline for my next book and needed to read through it before sending it off to the editor. The weather was beautiful and eighty degrees but I was chilled all day. Poor me! The main thing I took away from this experience was the absence of anyone else in the house to commiserate or act as a safety net should things take a turn for the worse. I have many people that I could call starting with neighbors and moving on to family and friends–but that realization that I would NEED to call someone–that there is no one here but me was new. Because I am overall a healthy person this was a new first for me. A new detail of widowhood that I needed to face just when I had thought I was managing so well.
Another thought I had today concerning “details”–choices made or rejected: I was driving past a haircut place that had posted a sign for a sale on haircuts and all of a sudden I remembered that this was where L had gone for his last haircut about this time last year. But that was not what came immediately to mind–what I remembered was how he charmed the woman cutting his hair and how when she said she was putting the settings for the clippers into their computer system so they would know next time he smiled and agreed–knowing there would be no next time but choosing not to burden her with that news.
So it’s about choices–L knew that and he practiced that. I’m trying to follow his example.