One of the quirks about this journey is the use of pronouns…when did “we” become just “I” and “our” become just “my”? I’m not sure others pay much attention but I am so very aware that when I say something like “Come on over to ____ house after the game…” I am hesitating before choosing the pronoun. In my heart it is OUR house and always will be. It’s the place we shared so many moments–both significant and silly–it is the home of memories. Perhaps one day I will live somewhere that I did not share with L, but will the address really matter? As long as the structure is furnished with “our” things won’t it still be ours?
Okay then there’s “we” vs. “I” — this one kind of works because it seems that natural to use past tense with we as in “We always loved to…” or “One time we were…” If someone extends an invite it’s also pretty natural to simply say “I’d love to…” Clearly I’m not yet so lost that I have fantasies that “we” could accept. So it’s the possessive that gives me pause.
But underlying this struggle in semantics is a deeper more painful coming to terms with the fact that these days only the past is “our” and “we”. The present and the future are both single…I…me…my.