But perhaps tonight was the most startling first of all when I realized that tonight I cooked the first “real” meal that I have prepared since L died. It was just some scrambled eggs, veggies and cheese but it is the first time I have cooked anything for myself. Either I eat out or I fix myself a bowl of cereal or cut some cheese and fruit, but I have not cooked anything for three months now. My appetite has been weak although I have lost zero weight–a clear indication that in ‘grazing’ and grabbing whatever strikes me at the moment I am not doing myself any favors. The truth is I like to cook–for others. But maybe I need to cook for me or lose the ability to make good food. L would definitely be upset with the way I’ve been eating–he wouldn’t say anything but oh, the looks he could give me!!
In another first I went to State Fair–a tradition we never missed even last summer when he was really struggling. I went with his sister and her dtr. and we had a good time but it was so very different and there was so much that L and I liked to do that I didn’t see mostly because as always I was trying to do whatever they wanted. I did have our traditional chocolate “nog” and a sample of maple cotton candy and a glass of “Herb’s” cherry vanilla milk. And I did ride the sky glider so not all was lost. And the bonus was that I felt closer to my sister-in-law and niece.
Tomorrow I transfer the first of the multiple IRAs–should be interesting — not sure of the best way to handle but I will explore options as I did with the CDs and then decide. Hopefully L will be there with me so I don’t make some huge mistake!!! And maybe afterwards I’ll go to the grocery store and instead of perusing the salad bar and hot food/deli selections I’ll buy some “real” food and come home and make dinner–just like I used to do.