Ninety+ degrees but that’s Madison in summer. Workshop started. I had begun to fear that it would require more of the time I have here than I wanted but now I see that indeed it’s going to be a welcome respite from my work and processing my grief. I spent the afternoon doing researxh at the Historical Society’s library–I love this place–walking up a flight of marble stairs that a gazillion people have climbed over decades. The stairs actually have taken on the shape of that foot traffic–dipping closer to the handrail where most people would choose to walk. I love the stacks–musty and filled with shelves so tightly packed that they almost bulge in places. And the reading room that’s been restored to its former glory–but with the modern conveniences of computers and good lighting and such. I was there three hours and it felt like twenty minutes.
Afterwards I took a walk and then parked myself in a chair on the terrace for an hour–lovely way to end the day. Although the day is not yet over–I still need to get some reading done for class and some writing done for me. So where does the grief therapy fit into all of this?
Well, the thing I notice is that I want to call L as I would whenever I was traveling without him. We would talk several times during the day and always always call to say goodnight at the end of it. I have thought abolut calling the house and leaving a voicemail as I would have if he hadn’t answered, but I’ve already deveoped a habit of speaking to him each night before I go to sleep and that seems to be working. I won’t pretend that this isn’t hard but we had so many good memories here and reliving those is in itself healing.