Saturday it will be one month since L died. In so many ways it seems like much much longer–in other ways it seems like he’s still just in the next room. The process continues and here’s what I’m learning as I go…
- In the absence of family (mine is small and I have no children.g’children to help soften the blow) FRIENDS are everything. One of the things L most feared (because he knew me so well) was that once he died I would crawl into my shell and push people away. I promised him I wouldn’t do that and I have kept that promise–I have answered/returned every phone call and accepted every invitation even when sometime I just want to be by myself. LESSON? Well, in spite of my thinking that I would prefer solitude, I find that at the very least talking to and being with others passes the interminable hours–especially in the evenings when I miss L most. At the very best, I actually enjoy myself and for a little while I can see the possibility that the world just might settle into some kind of new normal in time.
- I wake up some mornings and for a split second I forget. L had slept in the family room in a recliner for months (it helped him breathe easier) so being alone in bed is not new and some days I simply have the instant where I forget that he’s not here.
- Work is a godsend!! As a writer I get to escape to other worlds and take on the lives of characters I create and make their lives turn out the way I want. It helps.
- Grief is a process–one each person must go through in her own time and at her own pace. My grief is not someone else’s even though that person’s best friend and true love has died. We may be able to walk the path side by side in companionship but I cannot be in her shoes and she cannot be in mine.
- Some days are better than others and tears do not necessarily come when I need them most.