May 1, 2012: Getting closer…

There are little signs–things that might be missed if we didn’t know what was coming. We went out to eat the other night–something we’ve been able to do at a very small select group of restaurants for the last couple of months. Always before L has walked from the car–parked as close as possible to the entrance–into the restaurant where we’ve gotten a table closest to the door and enjoyed our meal. Then he walks back to the car for the drive home and then from car into house. These latter two trips can be excruciating for him but a week ago I truly did not think he was going to make it–either to the car nor into the house. His breathing was so very shallow and the effort of taking a step was clearly monumental. Yes, we have a transport wheelchair but so far he does not want to give in to using it. Still it seems we are getting closer to that if we want to continue to get out once in awhile.  It’s also evident that his struggles at home are also on the rise. The thing is–the closer we come to the end, the more I think about after..the silence of coming home to emptiness and silence.

Quote for the day comes from John Wayne: “Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway!”

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