While life in our world is surreal at best, today was a fairly normal day.
We’re in Wisconsin and it’s January and there’s snow on the ground and crisp cold sunny blue skies above. It’s play-off time in the NFL so football was definitely on the agenda for the day. His sister came to watch the game and have supper with us. We laughed together and bemoaned the loss by our team. Later we read the paper and watched the Golden Globes–all so very normal. And yet…
Is it odd that these days when L tells me he’s going to take a shower I linger nearby afraid he might fall?
Is it odd that we rarely go out to see friends or have dinner or go to a film or play but rather people come here and our lifelines to the outside world are those visits, phone calls and our television?
Is it odd that four times a day I prepare his breathing treatment and several times a day I straighten out the kinks in his oxygen tubing?
Is it odd that I never leave the house without having his DNR papers close at hand in case something happens while I’m gone and I need them when I rush back or to the ER?
Is it odd that for the last several months L has slept in his recliner to help his breathing while I lie in the bed we have shared for over forty years and listen to the steady murmur of his oxygen machine?
Is it odd that every night I fall asleep thinking how horrible it will be when that machine is silenced?